Selfishness the cause of every unhappiness!

Do you struggle with any of the following?

  • Anger
  • Pride
  • Jealousy
  • Criticism
  • Judgement
  • Dishonesty
  • Hurt
  • Defensiveness
  • Disappointment
  • Fear
  • Despondency
  • Possessiveness
  • Stubbornness

All the above are caused by selfishness.

Why do 99% of the world’s population suffer from selfishness?

Selfishness is the most natural mechanism to defend against extinction. It is a basic survival need learnt early in childhood. We naturally protect ourselves against physical and emotional danger. We learn that if we don’t look after ourselves, other than our parents no one will. When we left the home environment to attend school we learnt quickly that everyone was out for themselves and in like manner we adopted the same stance.

We had to try and find a balance between self-protection and being perceived as being selfish. To dispel the stigma of selfishness, some became self-effacing in the hope of being perceived as humble. Others adopted an “I couldn’t care less” attitude and some became shy and reclusive for fear of judgement. In fact most of our human foibles stem from our selfish needs and our fear of leaving them unfulfilled.

What we were never taught is that the only way to overcome selfishness was to feed it and not to try and mask it. You will be forgiven for thinking that this doesn’t make sense. In fact, the easiest way to remain selfish is to live in denial of the fact that you are. The minute you deny that you are selfish, you remove your strongest motive for improvement and change.

Can selfishness be a good thing?

Yes it can. There are two types of selfishness – positive and negative. To understand positive selfishness it is imperative to understand the three core drivers of mankind. You might naturally reject these drivers, which the selfish tend to find hard to bear. However the sooner you acknowledge which of the three is your core driver, the quicker you will be on the road to overcoming selfishness. WHY? Because selfishness is like hunger. If you ignore and do not feed your hunger you will remain unsatisfied and could die. Likewise if you do not feed your emotional hunger you will also remain emotionally crippled.

Only when we know what we crave can we fulfill that craving. If we don’t, then certain idiosyncrasies like the ones mentioned at the beginning of this article start to emerge.

What are the three core drivers?

  • Love
  • Acceptance
  • Respect

What acid test can we do to ascertain our core driver?

The three drivers mentioned work on a hierarchical scale. Love needs to be satisfied before acceptance and acceptance before respect.

The love referred to here is an intimate relationship between two people. This is not the love of a parent towards a child for example. The acid test of whether this love is satisfied in your life is as follows:

  • Do you have someone special in your life?
  • Are you able to give love freely without feeling that you might jeopardize the relationship?
  • Are you able to receive as much love as your partner wishes to bestow on you?
  • You have no similar feelings for anyone else.

If you can answer yes to all of the above then you can safely say that love is satisfied in your life.

The acid test for acceptance means that none of the idiosyncrasies mentioned at the beginning of this article affect you. If you can honestly say that, then you can be assured that acceptance is satisfied.

What is the difference between acceptance and respect? Simply put: When people accept you they listen to what you say. When people respect you they do what you say. Few will ever satisfy respect in a lifetime. It is true that we probably all have a few people that do respect us. What is important is that the people we care for and look up to respect us too.

Why is it so important for me to know my true driver?

Change is the one thing humans avoid naturally. This is because of the uncertain nature of change. Humans take actions for two reasons only:

  • Avoid a loss
  • Gain a benefit

What is it that we are so afraid of losing and what is it that we are so desirous to gain? Could they be the same thing? Chances are that you won’t believe this yet it is true. Whatever your core driver is, will be your reason for avoiding a loss or gaining a benefit. If love is your core driver then you will do anything to help you avoid losing love. Likewise with acceptance and respect.

How do we use our core driver to motivate us to change?

Honest acceptance that we are possibly less noble than we would like to believe we are will pave the way to personal fulfillment. When I know that I have selfish needs I can go about my business of satisfying them. The mundane and feared become the sought after as they are usually the quickest route to self-trust and self-love. The more I do the important daily tasks I tend to usually ignore the more I like who I am. This emanates and others are magnetized to me because of it. Thus fulfilling my social needs and allowing me to move on to nobler pursuits.

Where to from here?

If you only did what was recommended above your life would change for the better. Sadly, few do. Famous people aren’t exempt, the wealthy, the good looking, the prominent, all have the same challenges and less than 1% of mankind experiences a fulfilled life.

To take it to the next level it is important to build human capacity. Just as a wine glass cannot receive the contents of a wine bottle even so human beings are confined by their personal capacity levels.

Four factors determine human capacity:

  • Belief
  • Faith
  • Self-confidence
  • Self-image

These traits exist in all human beings. The amount determines that person’s station in life. How do we build these four qualities? The lack of these is what keeps 99% of the human population in a selfish state.

Developing these qualities is not taught at school or at higher education establishments. You would be hard pressed to find them taught in courses, seminars and lectures. The process is unique.

So much emphasis is placed on knowledge and too little on application. If we did a fraction of what we already know we would be a lot more successful. Understanding why we avoid the tasks that will most likely lead to our joy and success is crucial to moving the needle in our lives. has been developed with this in mind. Addressing the four root causes of all human failure and providing practical working solutions to improve your life.

In the past developing these skills would cost several thousand dollars and time spent away from the office and home. Right now because of the easy access to the Internet, costs have been dramatically reduced and anyone can afford to live a more abundant life.

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